A Simple Birthday Wish

Today I turned thirty-six.  I’m still trying not to cringe when I say it, or even think it.  Cringe?  More like cry.  Yes, I will admit I broke down into tears a couple of times today thinking about it.  Don’t worry, I will get over it and carry on.  I say this with determination as my sweet hubby calls me from work singing Happy Birthday.  I’m internally daring him to say my age at the end.  I know if he does I will just cry again.

“It’s thirty-six, not seventy, what is your problem“?

I did this at twenty-seven to.  It was a mid-life breakdown.  I had promised myself that by the time I was twenty-seven, I would be living right where I wanted to be, which just so happen to be in Ireland.  Oh yeah, I had it all planned out.  I was going to live in this small cottage somewhere in Kerry County near the sea.  I would own a small book/ gift shop in town that would feature my photography and some paintings.  My home would be surrounded by an abundance of herbs, flowers, and even a small vegetable garden.  I would look out my back window to see my small barn where my one and only horse was housed.  I even had a pure white cat by the name of Trinity to keep me company.

Let’s all take a moment and laugh at the silly dream of one so young.  Some people want millions of dollars.  I wanted a small cottage by the sea.  A rather simple life.

I guess life had different plans for me.

Don’t get me wrong.  What I have is wonderful.   Two beautiful children.  A wonderful loving husband. A woman who is not only my sister but my best friend.  That’s not to mention, the wonderful nieces and nephews I have.  What more could a woman ask for?

Maybe peace?

I have my reasons for hating the fact that I am now thirty-six and still not where I want to be, which is in Texas  (I will always love and wish for you Ireland).  To own a small parcel of land, maybe 5 acres or so.  Enough for my children to be able to run around with their father taking care of the animals he would like to raise.  Maybe a horse or two.  A place to call our own.

A home to call our own, not in a place like this.  Not in a situation like this.

My husband and I have done nothing but work, struggle, and fight to get somewhere, to make things work.  It seems every time we take one step, someone or something pushes us back three steps (or ten).

We recently had to move in -30 degree weather because of a trashy landlord not wanting to fix their heating systems (not to mention rotting floors, and electrical issues), only to try blaming us for the broken pipes.  She tries ruining us, but I have everything on record of the communication we had with her over the time we rented including emails and pictures.

So we get another apartment.  Getting slowly moved in, kids are getting over their flu and ear infections from being at the other place, and BAM, my husband ends up in a truck accident at work.  He’s banged up pretty good, but thankfully still with us.  This all happened in January.  We are still waiting for the court date to find out if they are going to put points on his license.  If they do, he’s out of his CDL.  One accident in fifteen years of driving (not including the three years he’s been doing this run), and he might lose his job because the city didn’t want to salt the roads, or do anything with them for that matter.  Ice and bridges don’t mix with anything, especially for an 18-wheeler.

While we wait for that, we finally get all settled in into the new place.  Got the kids comfortable in their rooms, placing some of my art on the walls, trying to make it more home-like and all and what do I get?  A phone call from our new landlord. She informs me that she has a possible buyer for the place and she would like to the realtor to show them around.  You have got to be kidding me!

Wouldn’t it be nice if there was a law requiring property owners to inform possible tenants that they trying to sell the place!?

I’ll admit, panic did rise in my voice.  I’ve seen this happen to so many people.  The place gets sold, and unless it’s contracted in, you are out.  If you are contracted in, they find a reason to evict you, and you’re out.  Or, in our case, we’re only locked in until January.  So we can stay till then.  If they choose to let us stay, they can raise the rent however much they would like.

Did I mention that all I wanted was a home for my family?

Dear landlords, if we rent from you, it’s not for a short time, we are looking for a long-term place until we can afford a place of our own.  Why do y’all assume just because we’re tenants that we like to move from place to place?  We really do not like to do that.  Especially when you are speaking to a family!

I’m sorry for going on and on. Maybe as a mom, we just need to get those frustrations out in the open.  The struggle to keep your cool as the world closes in on you and pushes you to the limit of, “How much longer can I do this”?

Tell me I am not the only mom out there that spends most of her days worrying about everything from the health of her loved ones to where are we going to be next month?

We have a very old camper  (80’s model) that we picked up for $800 a couple years ago.  It was basically rotted through.  We had to get rid of everything.  Right down to the shell.  We are now trying to save enough money to completely remodel the inside so we have a backup plan.  I want to turn this into a nice home on wheels, especially for my children.  If they do sell, I pray we have enough money to be able to get to Texas where we can reside in an RV Resort until we can get enough money for some land.

A long post when it was supposed to be “A  Simple Wish”, but then, my wish was for my family to have a home.  That is, indeed, a good wish to have.


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